How Much Can You Really Control?

The short answer to this is: Not Much! The broader question I would ask you is: What are you afraid of? I've been a social worker for 31 years. I've been employed as a counselor for nursing students for the last 16 years. I've discovered that people who feel like they need to control others, or cling tightly to that which they believe they have control over, are really fearful.

None of us can really control anyone else. We can guide and give advice. We can encourage and nudge, but we can't make anyone do anything. Rather than trying to control others I'd recommend you look inside yourself to explore what it is that frightens you.  Here's a list of things I've wish I could control:

1. The safety of my family.
2. The raise I get every year if I'm fortunate. :)
3. How many people buy my books.
4. How many people like my books.
5. How much I have to pay in taxes.

And that's just the beginning. Can you imagine what kind of shape I'd be in if I tried to control just these 5 issues? I'd probably stroke out! I know I don't want to live my life like that and I sure don't want to live afraid of all the things that can go wrong in this non-sensical world we live in.

So instead of controlling try:

1. Praying
2. An attitude change
3. Talking out problems with others
4. Setting boundaries
5. Surrendering

When was a time you realized you didn't have as much control of your life circumstances as you thought you did?

Read the Serenity Prayer and incorporate it into your life.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And Wisdom to know the difference.

Facing Monsters Under Our Beds, In Our Closets, and in Our Dreams

I've been revisiting the old fear monsters lately. I didn't want to; they just sort of crept up on me.

I’ve wrestled with different types of fear my entire life. My parents separated when I was six. I had nightmares until I was in college related to the fear that many kids believe, and that’s that they are somehow responsible for the break up of their parents. Not true, yet many kids feel or have felt this way.

I was very sick and hospitalized when I was in second grade. In 1963 children were on wards and in beds next to each other, (at least it was my experience). The children on either side of me died. I became afraid of death. My brother died when he was 27 years old and I was 29. I became even more afraid of death.

I experienced a lot of other reasons to fear in my lifetime: car accidents, my own children’s illnesses, the death of friends, the death of other family members. The list goes on and on. I’m 56 now and I’m not afraid most of the time. Do I occasionally let my fears slip in? Yes. One of those fears is sometimes related to my writing. Jody Hedlund posted a blog recently that addressed those issues here. As Jody mentions it's important not to let our fears paralyze us, push through it. One of my favorite writers in the general market is Laura Kinsale who experienced the full out anxiety that can attack those of us who write. She shares a snippet of this experience on her website where she talks about the Renegade Muse.

I’m not able to banish my fears completely, but I finally figured out that no matter how hard I try, in my human strength, I cannot keep bad things at bay. Sometimes it helps to remember good advice such as Overcoming Fear of Failure. I don’t have control. God does. All I can do is the best I can do, trust God for the rest, and remember the mustard seed.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 NIV

So have faith, not fear. Peace, not fear. Trust, not fear. Hope, not fear.


In my counseling Bible, The Bible for Hope, NKJV, the introduction to Numbers talks about fear. The first paragraph states, “Fear can immobilize. Fearful people often do not think straight and run off in the wrong direction to escape the source of their fear. The world can be quite scary, and at times, Christians will become afraid. On those occasions, they can either run away from God, thinking that he cannot handle their fears, or they can run to God for protection.”

“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (NKJV). 2 Timothy 1:7

Question: What are you afraid of? How do you cope with your monsters?
 
 

All photos courtesy of photobucket.

The Thrill Ride To Publication Part Two

Last week I published part one of this post at Just The Write Charisma. You can read it here. It's an interesting experience comparing different aspects of thrill rides like these to our journeys toward publication, and if you think about it, it's truer than we might like to acknowledge.

Yesterday, registration opened for the American Christian Fiction Writer's Conference. This is a very exciting and worthwhile conference for writers. I've attended more times than I can remember. But I know it can feel like a thrill ride called, The Flight of Fear when newbies attend conference for the first time or when any of us meet challenges at conference. The Flight of Fear is described as: "The first linear induction motor LIM-launched roller coaster in the world catapults riders from 0 to 54 miles per hour in just four seconds on a heart-pounding adventure in total darkness through four inversions."

Just imagine that you are at conference and this is your first appointment with an editor. You sit down to pitch your story and your mind encounters total darkness, you've gone blank, your stomach rolls and you think about doing the unthinkable, but then you remember. Whew! You pitch your story, instead of your breakfast, to the best of your ability. The editor asks you to send a proposal. You leave the room and jump up and down hugging your closest friend who has been waiting for you and then you speed down the hall, catch an escalator to another level taking two steps at a time because the thing is just too slow, and then you sit down to talk with your with your dream agent.

Your dream agent asks why you want an agent and again your mind enters total darkness and you feel lost in a deep, dark wood. You thought the editor was going to ask you to pitch your project. Instead you hem and haw your way through the question and then he/she asks what you are writing. The light bulb burns bright and you remember your pitch. She tells you it sounds interesting and encourages you to send a proposal. You are thrilled and leave the room walking on air.

Everyone experiences a different journey. Have an experiences (good, bad, or ugly) you want to share? They might be about a conference experience or something else along your writing journey. Help each other out so your journey is awesome. So before you get to conference remember to come prepared, be yourself, have fun, and put your thinking caps on; there is a lot to learn. What helps your jitters at conference?

Faith Not Fear

1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.


I’ve wrestled with different types of fear my entire life. My parents separated when I was six. I had nightmares until I was in college related to the fear that many kids believe, and that’s that they are somehow responsible for the break up of their parents. Not true, yet many kids feel or have felt this way.

I was very sick and hospitalized when I was in second grade. In 1963 children were on wards and in beds next to each other, (at least it was my experience). The children on either side of me died. I became afraid of death. My brother died when he was 27 years old and I was 29. I became even more afraid of death.

I experienced a lot of other reasons to fear in my lifetime: car accidents, my own children’s illnesses, the death of friends, the death of other family members. The list goes on and on. I’m 56 now and I’m not afraid most of the time. Do I occasionally let my fears slip in? Yes. I’m not able to banish my fears completely, but I finally figured out that no matter how hard I try, in my human strength, I cannot keep bad things at bay. I don’t have control. God does. All I can do is the best I can do, trust God for the rest, and remember the mustard seed.

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Matthew 17:20 NIV

So have faith, not fear. Peace, not fear. Trust, not fear. Hope, not fear.

In my counseling Bible, The Bible for Hope, NKJV, the introduction to Numbers talks about fear. The first paragraph states, “Fear can immobilize. Fearful people often do not think straight and run off in the wrong direction to escape the source of their fear. The world can be quite scary, and at times, Christians will become afraid. On those occasions, they can either run away from God, thinking that he cannot handle their fears, or they can run to God for protection.”

For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.(King James Version)2 Timothy 1:7


I have a book coming out soon and that's exciting and scary and incredible. This is one of the most awesome seasons in my life and though I could allow my fears to run wild I've decided to let my faith run wild instead.



The next time you think about letting your fears run wild I encourge you to let your faith run wild. Wild and free faith like these horses even if that faith is as small as a mustard seed.

Questions: The last time you faced a fear, large or small, what did you do? OR When you face fear today how does it effect you and how do you combat it? AND/OR What's your favorite quote or scripture about fear?

HAVE A FEARLESS WEEK!

Voice and Fear

Writer's, especially beginning writers, frequently want to know what voice is all about. What's my voice? How do I find my voice? How will I know it when I see it? Anyone who has written for awhile can tell you that voice is not something you discover right away. You have to write, alot! Even though I have a three book series contracted with the first one to be released in May, I'm still finding and defining my voice.

My hubby and I finally made it out this past Saturday to see The King's Speech. Everyone must have gone to the movies Saturday since it was Valentine's Day weekend. We had to sit in the second row from the front and I almost left during the previews because it was uncomfortably close. I'm so glad I stayed. If you haven't seen the movie yet, please go see it before it leaves the theaters. There's nothing like that big screen. I'd already preordered the movie on DVD even before we went to see it because everyone said it was so good.

If you are not a writer this movie may be a motivator for overcoming something you fear. If you are a writer this movie might just help you find your voice. You will find it through the courage to seek it. I can't help but think of Matthew 7:7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. I don't think this is easy. True seeking and knocking is a process and one that doesn't usually lead to the door opening fast or easily. And then sometimes we still need the courage to walk through the open door.

Did you see The King's Speech? What gives you the courage to face your fears and walk through the open door?

What's Holding You Back? GLYNNA KAYE for Blog Pick Friday

Glynna Kaye will take you on a journey that I think a lot of us have experienced. If you are unpublished and questions of worth and ability are nagging you, I encourage you to read her post over at Seekerville. Fear can be crippling. I know. I've been there too. Heck, I'm there now as I struggle to complete my second book in a series.

I met Glynna on line when I was in a fearful place related to my daughter's illness. Glynna became a supportive friend to me and my daughter. Fear can sap our life calling. Don't be discouraged. We can get through this together with a little help from a friend called Glynna and our mighty, capable God.

Part 1: FEAR

Glynna Kaye's Steeple Hill Love Inspired “Dreaming of Home” is a 2010 “Carol Award” and “Maggie Award” finalist, as well as a first place winner of the “Booksellers Best” and “Beacon” awards. Her next books(also set in Canyon Springs, Arizona)are “Second Chance Courtship” releasing February 2011, and “At Home In His Heart” debuting August 2011!